Sid Shmorgenheigen (shmorgenheigen) wrote,
Sid Shmorgenheigen

Maybe This Town Isn't So Bad, Chapter 18

Title: Maybe This Town Isn't So Bad
Author: shmorgenheigen
Chapter: Eighteen
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Pierre/David
Word Count: 5633
Summary: After coming out of the closet to his friends in Canada and getting disowned by them, Pierre Bouvier moves to a hick town in the states to escape. Life is dull and grim for the twenty-one year old Canadian until he meets David Desrosiers, a young man who could change it all for the better.
Disclaimer: Don't know, don't own, didn't happen!
Author's Note: Yay for a quicker update! :) I hope you guys like this one. :D

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16:1
Chapter 16:2
Chapter 17

“Where the fuck are you, David?” Pierre breathed with his eyes closed and his head resting back against the wall outside his apartment door. He brought his cigarette to his lips and took a long drag, the nicotine hardly helping him to feel better. His hand shook as he pulled the cigarette away and dropped his hand back to his knee, his mind racing with thoughts of his boyfriend and where he might be at that moment. It was one thirty in the morning; what could have possibly happened to David to keep him from getting back, or at least to keep him from answering his phone or sending a text? Pierre didn’t trust Troy in the slightest. What if he’d hurt David again? What if he’d forced himself onto him? What if he’d taken David for his own. There was no doubt in Pierre’s mind that Troy was capable of doing it again, just like there was no doubt in his mind that if Troy tried anything with David, David would push him away. David would never cheat on him, he was sure of it.

When he heard footsteps on the stairs, Pierre’s eyes snapped open and he put the cigarette out on the ground, throwing the butt to the side before standing. He stared incredulously at David as he walked up the stairs, who was staring very nervously at Pierre. “Where the fuck have you been?” Pierre asked him loudly, though David didn’t answer. He continued to walk up the stairs until he was standing in front of Pierre, looking cautiously up at him, his eyes red and his cheeks stiff with dried tears. Pierre took in his appearance and assumed the worse; he grabbed onto David, his hands on his cheeks, pulling his face forcefully up so that he had to look at him, though David was obviously struggling to keep his eyes down. “What did he do?” Pierre growled quickly, a flame working up in his chest so intense that he was surprised it hadn’t burned a hole in his shirt yet.

Staring into Pierre’s chocolate eyes made David feel dirty. Just a half hour previously, he’d been looking into Troy’s eyes, making an intense connection with the quarterback as they’d groped and rubbed each other; he’d allowed Troy to take a part of him that belonged to Pierre and oh, how it made him want to die. “Nothing, he just upset me,” David lied expertly, shaking his head slowly.

“Just upset you? David, you look like you’ve been crying for hours!” Pierre pointed out disbelievingly.

“It’s fine, okay? He just upset me,” David repeated, his eyes going down to the ground, though the presence of Pierre’s hands on his face kept it tilted upward.

Pierre was silent for a long moment, staring skeptically at his younger boyfriend. “Did something happen?” Pierre asked quietly. He didn’t like the accusations that his question held, but he couldn’t pretend that it wasn’t a question he didn’t need to ask.

David’s eyes snapped instantly up, and Pierre was surprised to see that they were filled with anger. “What’s that supposed to me?” David asked, suddenly more defensive than Pierre had ever seen the younger boy during the four and a half months that they’d been officially together.

“I-I was just—”

“No, you think I cheated on you?” David snapped. He absolutely hated what he was having to do, but he couldn’t lose Pierre, and being incredulously offended by the accusation was the best way to hide the truth, right?

“I was more worried about him hurting you, actually!” Pierre explained quickly, though he sounded angry at the same time. “Why the fuck didn’t you answer any of my calls? Or fucking text me back? I was freaking out that he’d done something to you!” David’s eyes grew sad and he bit his lips together, knowing he had never felt worse than he did in that moment. Pierre had been worried about him, not that he was cheating, but that he was off somewhere with a psychopath being hurt. “You have no idea how hard it was for me to let you go off with him today, and then you just fucking disappeared! I had no idea if you were okay or if he was hurting you again or what! You had me worried out of my mind!”

David couldn’t help but feel like a teenage boy being berated by his father for staying out too late. “I’m sorry,” he breathed, and quickly he moved forward and wrapped his arms under Pierre’s, holding tight to his torso with all of his might. Hiding his face in Pierre’s chest, David began to sob, unable to stop himself from doing so, though he felt that he was being ridiculously obvious.

Pierre’s mind, however, was in a different place. David hadn’t cheated on him and he knew it; the thought wasn’t even crossing his mind. No, David’s reaction only confirmed one thing for Pierre: Troy had done something to hurt David, even if he wouldn’t admit it. Carefully he wrapped his arms around David’s body, his hand finding the back of his head and holding him in a comforting manner. “Hey… it’s okay,” he whispered, rocking David gently back and forth. The stood like that for several long minutes, Pierre continuing to place gentle kisses on the top of David’s head and whispering soft reassurances to him, though Pierre was quickly seeing that these actions weren’t helping. If anything, he felt that his tender behavior toward David was only making him cry worse. What had Troy done to him?

David couldn’t believe how lousy he felt, standing in Pierre’s arms, crying in his chest, surrounded by his adoration, warmth and support. How had he been weak enough to give into the rough, crashing, heated temptation that Troy had offered to him? How had he let himself get so swept up in the other boy’s dangerous charm that he’d cheated on Pierre? The idea made him want to be sick to his stomach, to know that just an hour previously, Troy’s hands hand been on him, to know that Troy’s tongue had been in his mouth. He didn’t want to kiss Pierre; surely Pierre would taste the difference on his tongue. He didn’t feel that he deserved Pierre’s kisses, anyway, not after what he’d done to him. His knees began to feel weak as he stood there, drowning himself in the love that he didn’t deserve, though was too weak to deny.

Pierre, as he’d done many times before it felt like, leaned down and picked David up, holding him in both arms, carrying him inside like a bride across the threshold. Patrick and Sebastien both looked up as they walked in, and instantly Sebastien moved to get up, his face contorting in concern, but Pierre shook his head and gave him a weak smile. Sebastien settled in next to Patrick again; the distance between their bodies told Pierre how serious Sebastien was about what he’d told him earlier, of Sebastien’s determination to be nothing more than friends. Pierre honestly didn’t know how long it would last — he’d seen the look on Sebastien’s face when he’d been standing in Patrick’s arms — but he was proud of his friend for not forgiving the other man with one word and kiss. Patrick deserved to feel the pain of rejection, just as Sebastien and Pierre had both felt.

How many times had he done this, put David down in his bed and held him while he cried? There was something different in the way David was responding to his affection, however. He wasn’t clinging to him as if Pierre was the only thing left on the planet that he had left. There was almost a reluctance in his touch, as if part of him didn’t want to be there. Touching Pierre made David feel sick, knowing what he’d done, knowing that he’d allowed Troy to kiss him and touch him, when those things weren’t Troy’s things to do. And what was worse, he’d kissed Troy back and touched him just as much, if not more desperately. David hated himself more than he could express for how badly he’d wanted Troy until that moment; now he wanted nothing to do with him.

David and Pierre laid together for an hour before David had finally stopped crying. He laid on top of Pierre, his head resting on his chest, his bloodshot eyes hanging half open as he stared weakly at nothing in particular. Pierre looked up at the ceiling and simply held onto David, stroking his hair gently. “You can’t let him keep doing this to you, David,” Pierre told him softly. He was worried that his words might bring on David’s tears again, but it was something that he felt he had to say. David swallowed hard and nuzzled against Pierre’s chest, holding tighter to him. Pierre tilted his head down, trying to get a glimpse of David’s face, but his head was turned too far down. “I know he means a lot to you, but… he’s really terrible for you,” he added gently. David closed his eyes and nodded, giving a soft sniff as tears began to fall from his eyes again. Hearing this, Pierre sighed and held David tighter to himself. “I just hate seeing you hurt.”

When would it stop? When would the waves of guilt stop crashing down on him, making it feel impossible to breathe? He opened his eyes and took a steadying breath, before softly saying, “Well… you don’t have to worry about that anymore because he’s leaving tomorrow.”

Pierre’s brow furrowed and he tilted his head down again. “What d’you mean?”

David gave a soft sigh and looked further down. “He’s leaving tomorrow for Mississippi,” he said softly.


“Football scholarship,” David said blankly. “That’s what he told me at graduation… that’s why it was so important to go with him tonight… because he’s leaving tomorrow so he can get settled into his new apartment and start training with the team… and I’m never gonna see him again.” David’s voice sounded dead as he said this, like he was simply so out of emotion that he couldn’t even raise the pitch of his voice.

Pierre felt conflicted in that moment, an intense mixture of feelings. He was happy that Troy would be leaving and not coming back, but the fact that it obviously had David so upset that he was crying for hours? He wanted to yell at David, he wanted to tell him not to care about the other boy anymore, but he couldn’t do either of those things without running the risk of pushing David further away from himself. “It’s alright, David,” he said softly.

David’s blank eyes continued to stare off to the side as he parted his lips and blankly said, “He asked me to go with him.” Pierre didn’t know what to say to those words. His mouth opened and he took a breath, as if preparing himself for speech, but when the time came, no words left his lips. David’s fingers pressed into Pierre’s sides. “I would never go with him, Pie,” he breathed, though his heart ached as he said this.

Pierre’s eyes fell closed and he bit his lips together, willing that sick, jealous, angry feeling away from him. He didn’t want to be feeling that feeling, most of all toward David. He loved David; the last thing he wanted was to hurt him. “It’s okay to be upset about it,” Pierre said quietly, though they were the last words that he wanted to be saying. David pushed himself up to look at Pierre, staring at him with a devastating sadness. When Pierre felt David begin to move, his eyes opened and he stared sadly back, though there was almost a certain degree of deadness there, like he was so defeated by David’s obvious feelings for the high school star. Pierre’s hand found David’s cheek and he stroked his skin gently with his thumb, offering a sad smile. “You can’t just… make yourself not have feelings for him anymore. It’s okay to still be getting over everything that happened with him. I mean, if you just push it aside and deny it… that’s how mistakes happen,” he finished delicately. He didn’t want to ever accuse David of cheating, but he knew his words were true.

David couldn’t speak. He wanted to tell Pierre what he’d done; he wanted to cry and scream and hold onto the man he loved; he just wanted to be honest again, to be trust worthy… but David couldn’t do those things. Slowly, he laid back down again, putting his head on Pierre’s chest and slowly breathing in. “Pierre… have I ever told you how amazing you smell?” David asked, a seemingly random question though to him it made perfect sense; as he laid there, surrounding himself in Pierre’s natural scent, he imagined what it would be like to never be held by him again, or to never smell him again, or kiss him again, or feel goosebumps rise on the back of his neck at the way Pierre breathed a soft moan when David licked his earlobe. He allowed his eyes to fall closed and his brow furrowed as tears began to pool in his eyes again. “Pierre?”

“Hm?” Pierre responded softly.

“Can I ask you something?” David started nervously.

“Shoot.” When David said nothing, Pierre opened his eyes again and tilted his head, trying to look down at David, though still he could see nothing but the top of his head. “Dave?”

David bit down on his bottom lip, unable to stop the tears from falling from his eyes, a tear rolling across the bridge of his nose. “Promise me you’ll always hold me like this?” he requested weakly, his voice quivering with crying.

Pierre felt heartache tearing in his chest at David’s words and the sound of his voice. Carefully he reached down and pulled David up to his face, trying to get him to look at him, though David’s eyes were averted and his tears were falling hard and fast. With a quiet sigh and a weak smile, Pierre gently whispered, “I promise.” Slowly, David’s eyes moved up to look into Pierre’s and he stared sadly down at him, pulling his lip ring into his mouth and biting down gently on it. Those two words were the last words spoken between the two, and slowly David laid back down and curled into Pierre, his head throbbing, his cheeks stained with tears, and a tear in his chest at what he had done to the man he loved, the irreversible pain knowing that he’d hurt him. He could only hope that eventually the guilt and devastation would fade, and he would feel right again in Pierre’s arms, because without Pierre, what else did he have?

June passed quickly, followed immediately by July, and although David was able to go on without uttering a word about what had happened with Troy, he didn’t feel any less terrible about it. He didn’t cry anymore, and he tried not to let himself think about it, but he couldn’t pretend to himself that it hadn’t happened. Pierre had noticed a change in David. Something wasn’t quite right with his boyfriend; there seemed to be a certain amount of sadness underneath his smile, no matter what he did. He couldn’t help but feel that it was because Troy had left and offered to take David with him. That was when the change had taken place, wasn’t it? He hated the idea that David was still that torn up over the quarterback, but was there anything that he could do about it? If David still had feelings for Troy, it was his job to work through them. There wasn’t any doubt in Pierre’s mind that David cared for him, after all. So what if he still felt something for his ex? Troy was gone and Pierre was still there, holding David every night, kissing him tenderly before he fell asleep. Though David seemed a little bit different, he was sure that they were fine.

David rolled slowly over in bed, his arm stretching out in habit, looking for Pierre’s chest to lay over, though when he felt nothing but bed he sighed and lifted his head, his eyes opening halfway in his tired state. Where he had expected to see an empty space, however, he saw a little brown stuffed bear, wearing a white t-shirt with a red maple leaf on it. “What the…?” he muttered as he sat up slowly. He grabbed the bear and held it in his hands, looking at it with a curious smile on his face. He noticed a folded note on the bed and picked it up, his smile getting bigger.

Davey! Don’t know if you remember, but happy six month anniversary! I’ll be home just after three and I’ll give you the rest of your present then. I don’t wanna ruin the surprise but… it involves me being naked. =D It’d be kinda cool if you were naked too. I’ll see you then, naked or not! <3 Pierre

The smile slowly slid from David’s lips as he read the note, feeling a sick feeling of guilt coming up his throat. It had been a month and a half since he’d cheated on Pierre with Troy and still, he thought about it every day, felt it eating his insides with every second. Everything Pierre did to prove how sweet he was, every move he made to show David just how much he obviously loved him, only succeeded in making David feel that much worse. He sighed and put the note back down on the bed, unable to look at the cute little heart his boyfriend had written by his name any longer. It was too painful to think that Pierre was falling in love with him and he’d done something so heinous to hurt him, and then not even had the courage to tell him about it.

“I’m gonna make this right,” David decided strongly, and without another thought, he got out of bed, straightening out the blankets and putting the bear back on top before heading to his dresser and grabbing the clothes he wanted to wear for the day. He walked out of his and Pierre’s bedroom in nothing but his boxers, his clothes held loosely in front of him, unsurprised when he got into the living room and Sebastien and Pat were sitting there, with room for another person to sit between them. “Morning,” David said with a smile as he headed to the bathroom.

“Hey,” Sebastien said with a kind smile. “So I was thinking we could all go do something tonight,” he suggested, turning to glance at Patrick, who nodded in agreement.

“Oh…” David started, looking between the two men who he was shocked to see still weren’t together. It was only a matter of time, he just knew it, but Sebastien seemed extremely resistant to get into a relationship with Patrick, and David could understand why. “Actually, I was kinda hoping you two could uh… entertain yourselves tonight,” he muttered awkwardly. He didn’t want them to think that he didn’t want them around, but he also wanted a perfect night with Pierre, and that wouldn’t happen with the two of them sitting around. “It’s just… it’s our six month anniversary today and I was kinda hoping to just do something just the two of us…” he trailed off, his voice growing quieter and his face growing redder with each syllable that he spoke.

Sebastien laughed lightly and nodded. “You don’t have to feel bad about it,” he pointed out fairly, and David’s cheeks turned redder. “If you ever want us to give you guys some personal time, just say the word and we’ll leave,” he explained, turning and giving Patrick a smile, who looked at Sebastien and smiled back tenderly.

“Yeah, I’m sure we can find something to do to pass the time,” Patrick said suggestively, and Sebastien rolled his eyes and sighed, before turning his attention back to David.

“What are you gonna do?” he asked curiously.

David shrugged and shook his head slowly. “I dunno… clean this place up… make dinner…” he trailed off softly.

“Do you want help?” Sebastien offered. He saw Patrick grimace from the corner of his eye and heard him give a soft groan, and he turned to glare at him, giving him a smack on the arm for his obvious lack of tact.

Patrick’s eyes widened slightly and he sat up straighter, nodding quickly. “Yeah, we can totally help you out,” Patrick told David, clearly not wanting to do anything to upset Sebastien. It was obvious that while Sebastien wanted to keep the distance, Patrick still very much wanted nothing more than to be as close as humanly possible to the other man.

David smiled and raised an eyebrow, though decided against saying anything about how freakishly adorable the two men were together. He’d always dreamed of watching them flirt on those nights when he’d been sitting in his room, listening to their radio show, hearing them quip flirtatiously back and forth. Now he got to see it, and although Sebastien was resisting Patrick’s charms with all of his might, David could tell that day by day he was cracking under the pressure of Patrick’s gorgeous smile. Hell, who wouldn’t?

“It’s fine,” David told them slowly. “I kinda wanna do it all by myself.”

“Why?” Sebastien asked skeptically. He’d never heard of anyone who would’ve preferred to clean up an entire mess that wasn’t entirely their fault.

David shuffled his bare feet on the carpet and looked down, his long black hair falling in front of his eyes and shielding the obvious shame in them. “Oh… it’s just… well, things have been kind of weird between us since graduation,” he muttered vaguely, though even as he said it, the feel of Troy’s tongue in his mouth and his hand in his pants re-entered David’s mind, and he looked further down in shame. “It’s my fault and I just wanna make it right,” he added quietly.

Sebastien and Patrick were looking at each other, exchanging skeptical stares. It was obvious that David was upset, that he was ashamed of something, but the fact that things had been a little bit weird? Yeah, they’d noticed it, but neither of them thought it was something to be so upset about. Really, it wouldn’t take much for things to go back to normal for David and Pierre… unless they were missing something. They were expressing these thoughts through eye-contact, though David didn’t notice as he was still looking down.

“Uh, yeah man, that’s cool,” Patrick said slowly, though he was still looking at Sebastien.

“Yeah, we get that,” Sebastien added, and slowly he turned to look at David again, fixing a forced smile on his face. David didn’t look at either of them; he continued to look at his feet, entirely shrunken into himself in shame. Sebastien stood and held a hand out to Patrick, who smiled and took it, pulling himself up, though as he stood he didn’t let go of Sebastien’s hand. Sebastien attempted to pull his hand away but Patrick only held on tighter, so with a sigh he gave up, letting Patrick keep his grip on his hand. Patrick smiled; as if Sebastien didn’t really want to be holding his hand? Yeah right.

“Okay, well we’ll get out of your hair,” Patrick said, pulling David’s attention back up. Instantly his eyes were on their clasped hands, and a stupid grin was blossoming on his lips. Sebastien scoffed and ripped his hand from Patrick’s grasp, wrapping his arms instead around his own torso. Patrick looked at him sadly, though recovered quickly enough and turned instead to look awkwardly at David. “So… yeah. You have fun, and we’re just… gonna… go.” He stared at David for a moment longer, who stared back with wide eyes and gave a few quick nods. Together, Sebastien and Patrick grabbed their keys and left, leaving David standing alone in the living room, half naked with his clothes clutched to him. With a sigh, he headed into the bathroom and started the shower.

Really, showering shouldn’t have taken so long for David. In general, his showers didn’t last more than ten minutes, but that morning? It was twenty-five minutes before David was turning off the hot water and stepping onto the cold bathroom floor. His mind was simply so full of thoughts that he’d spent ten minutes just standing under the water without even realizing how much time had gone by. He dried off quickly, and got dressed, though when he was done he stared at himself in the mirror. He was wearing a pair of black jeans and a dark grey band t-shirt, his makeup was thick and his hair was styled as it normally was. Why did he hate looking at himself? This was exactly how he had looked when he’d first met Pierre and he’d been more than happy with his appearance then. This was exactly how he’d looked the entire time he’d been with Pierre. This is how I looked when Troy was sucking my dick, his mind told him bitterly. He glared hard at himself as he parted his lips and muttered, “It’s time for a change.”

By the time three o’clock hit, David couldn’t believe all the things he’d gotten done. First off, the apartment was so clean that if it hadn’t been built in the seventies, it might’ve sparkled. Secondly, he’d driven to the grocery store and picked up ingredients for dinner, which he planned to make with Pierre later that night. Making dinner together would be much more fun than Pierre coming home and having it prepared, and they really didn’t need to eat dinner at three in the afternoon, anyway. After the grocery store, David had gone to the mall, where he bought Pierre a small gift (a Gym Class Heroes album… would he like it? David thought it sounded like something that Pierre would enjoy), a new outfit and even… gotten his hair cut.

David stood in the bathroom with the door closed, staring at his own reflection, which looked drastically different compared to just four and a half hours previously. His jeans were blue, though they were still skin tight; he wore a white v-neck paired with a red plaid button up shirt whose sleeves were rolled up, something which was much more Pierre’s style than his but he thought he looked good just the same; his shoes were a white pair of vans slip-on sneakers. Perhaps the biggest change was everything from the neck up. There was no eyeliner on his eyes, and his hair, which was still soft and black, fell in a lazy fauxhawk, the tips of it barely coming down to his eyebrows and got gradually shorter in the back until the nape of his neck, where it was the shortest. He couldn’t believe how different he looked, and how good he felt about it… but what would Pierre say? Would he even like him anymore without the long black hair, the eyeliner and the emo clothes? When he heard the front door open and Pierre call out to him, David closed his eyes, took a steadying breath, and prepared himself to reveal the new him to Pierre. The old David was a disgusting, weak cheater; the new David was none of those things.

“David?” Pierre called from the living room as he looked slowly around, astonished by how clean and organized everything looked; it hadn’t looked that way since he’d first moved in, when the place had been empty! When the bathroom door started to open, he smiled and turned, expecting to see David standing there, his eyes heavily lined in black, with a pair of black jeans and probably some plain, tight fitting t-shirt on. When David opened the door fully and stepped out into the living room, Pierre’s brow furrowed, his mouth fell open, and he stared. “D-David?” Pierre stuttered weakly, saying this as if it was a question, as if he wasn’t sure that the boy standing in front of him was actually his boyfriend.

David bit down on his lip ring and took a few nervous steps forward, staring at Pierre through nervous hazel eyes. “Pie?” he replied, mimicking Pierre’s tone.

“Ohhh… my… God…” Pierre muttered slowly, his mouth still hanging open. He stepped cautiously up to David, his hands finding David’s hips, his eyes taking in every square inch of his body. David smiled nervously up at him, pulling his lip ring into his mouth. “Why did you…?” he trailed off, seeming unable to focus his mind for more than a few seconds. His eyes kept darting around, from David’s new clothes, to his shoes, to his hair, to his eyes, and starting the cycle over again. “Why…?” he started again, though again he didn’t finish a sentence.

“Do you like it?” David asked timidly. At Pierre’s continued silence, while his eyes simply pored over David’s new appearance, David felt himself growing rather nervous. “Oh my God, you don’t like it,” he muttered quickly, his face tilting down. His cheeks grew red and his voice rather frantic as he started to quietly mutter, “I knew it, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have changed how I looked, I jus—” David’s words were cut short by Pierre’s lips crashing into his. David gave a soft moan and let his eyes fall closed; instantly his arms were around Pierre’s neck and he was kissing him back, his body falling against Pierre’s in desperation and need. Pierre reached blindly behind him and pulled the bathroom door shut, for the sole purpose of taking a step forward and pinning David against it, smiling against David’s lips at the moan that was swallowed by his own mouth.

Slowly, Pierre pulled his lips away, though he pressed his forehead against David’s and grinned, his eyes still closed. David’s eyes were weakly closed and his mouth hung open at the surprise kiss from his boyfriend, his breathing coming hard and fast. “So… so you… like it… then?” he breathed, and Pierre nodded against his forehead. “Oh good.” Pierre pulled his head from David’s and looked down at him, his eyes alight with excitement at staring at David. It wasn’t that he thought that there was anything wrong with David before, obviously he’d been more attracted to him than anyone else in his entire life, but there was something exciting in David’s new look; he couldn’t say that he wasn’t turned on looking at him. And he looked older somehow; more like a college student than an angsty high-schooler. “Look, I’m sorry things have been kinda weird lately…” David started, looking down at Pierre’s chest.

Pierre shook his head and pulled David’s face back up, staring seriously into his eyes. “Don’t worry about it,” he told him with a reassuring smile. “Whatever was going on… we’re fine,” he added gently. “Did you like your bear?” he asked randomly.

David grinned and nodded. “I named him Renaud,” he informed Pierre brightly.

A beaming smile broke out on Pierre’s face and he held tighter to David as the two stared at each other, though soon his grin faded to a tender smile, which dissipated still into a nervous one. “D-Dave…” he started, his eyes flicking down. “David, I…” he continued, willing the words to come out right. David’s breath got caught in his chest and his eyes widened; he knew what Pierre was two seconds from telling him, words that he didn’t deserve to hear, not after what he’d done to Pierre. Slowly, Pierre’s gaze flickered up and he made eye contact with David as he said, “David, I—” He stopped himself short, however, at the look he was getting from his younger boyfriend: absolute fear. His cheeks flushed and he stared, his lips parted as he lost the nerve entirely to finish his sentence. “I-I could really go for some ice cream right now,” he amended quickly and awkwardly. David’s face blossomed pink and he let a breath out, feeling himself relaxing. “Do you wanna go get some ice cream?” Pierre asked, even more awkwardly, and David gave a nervous nod.

He couldn’t allow Pierre to say those words to him, especially when Pierre didn’t know of the terrible thing David had done to hurt him. How, then, was he supposed to ever let Pierre tell him such a thing? Something that he couldn’t even think to himself because it would hurt too much? Neither of them brought it up again as they left their apartment hand in hand to walk to get ice cream, or throughout the rest of the night as they made dinner together, played Pierre’s new CD (which he loved), or even when Patrick and Sebastien came back and ogled David’s new look. For the time being, the two were perfectly happy ignoring the words that Pierre had almost said, that four letter word that started with an ‘L’ that Pierre had come so close to mentioning, though now he knew that neither of them were ready to say or hear it. Maybe someday they would, but in that moment, on their sixth month anniversary… apparently the time wasn’t right. Would it ever be right? Pierre dearly hoped that it would, because there wasn’t a part of him that didn’t feel it; there wasn’t a part of him that wasn’t absolutely in love with David. He knew it, and he only wanted David to know it too.
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